The Dangers of Farting Worms

Friday, November 14, 2008

A colleague sent me a link to this story in Zee News. More garbage about the debate over trash, in this case bad-mouthing part of the solution.

“Hamburg, July 17” reads the article, “Worms are killing the planet”. is the headline. “Recent research done by German scientists” it starts off, and quickly segues into “an interview with a leading renewable resources journal, Jim Frederickson, senior research fellow at Britain's Open Universities faculty of technology”.

Now we all ought to stop when we read “Worms are killing the planet”. I can’t even be bothered looking it up. I’m going to guess/assume that four hundred million years is a ballpark figure for the existence of earthworms of all varieties, including the ones that burrow six feet down, and the top-dweller: eisenia foetida.

It might not be 400,000,000 years, but it’s a lot longer than mankind, and for all that time, worms have been digesting material, aerating and fertilizing the soil. Yay Worms!

Killing the planet? Come ON!

None the less, I was fascinated, wondering what else they could come up with.

Quite a lot, as it turns out.

Here is my reply to my colleague:

It's the usual crap, metaphorically speaking.

Read Alan Caruba's blog, daily, for a week, then call me back; http://factsnotfantasy.blogspot.com/

Or read my pages on bad logic.

The quoted article is full of holes; I'm only surprised that he didn't drag in a few ozone holes:

"could be doing more harm than good"

What would you think if I told you "I could be taken on a space shuttle ride"? Just because it's true "I could" doesn't mean it's going to happen. I happen to believe that my ride is MORE likely to happen, than damage caused by malicious worms. After all, all I need is a few million dollars. What the worms need is a sudden genetic shift to invalidate what they've been doing quite happily for 400 million years, give or take an eon.

OTOH, if he means "Now that we are producing so much kitchen waste", then two alternatives suggest themselves:

(1) don't waste so much food

(2) produce fewer humans and more worms.

"a significant amount of greenhouse gases"

Define significant.

I knew they wouldn't.

What is significant? 10%? 1% 0.1%? Even 0.001% is measurable, and can therefore be said to be significant.

"produced a third of nitrous oxide gases when used for composting,"

A third of WHAT? The global total?

Do they mean that one-third of the gases emitted by worms is Nitrous Oxide?

And if so, what does that represent to the global total?

And why should we care, when we're being told that CARBON dioxide is the killer (which it isn't).

And by "produce" do they mean "emit from their little orifices", and if so, do they care that 70% of the NO2 is reabsorbed by nematodes in the soil without leaking out to the atmosphere?

And how could any one disprove the 70% I just made up.

It all, after all, depends on how you define the closed system.

"worm composting has deleterious effects on the environment"

I love these statements.

Let's see, worms have been chomping away for, oh, I dunno, let's say 400 million years.

And once we make lettuce leaves available to them the planet goes bonkers, sideways, rapidly?

"they can actually produce more greenhouse gases than landfill sites"

Again, where are the quantities? Management Measures.

More, like 100% More? 10% More? The Dreaded 0.001% More?

What if a landfill site emits one gallon of NO2 per day. Should I care if worms would double that?

What if a landfill site emits one hundred gallons of NO2 per day. Should I care if worms would double that?

What if a landfill site emits one million gallons of NO2 per day. WHY Should I care if worms would double that?

Oh, right:

Jim Frederickson, senior research fellow at Britain’s Open Universities

He's always looking for grants, publicity, publications, being quoted.

He's an academic (Chris said, disparagingly)

"they contribute to global warming"

So does grass. So do Caterpillars. So do Dandelions. Cows we know about. Or was that methane?

WHEN ARE THEY GOING TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THE BUSH FIRES AND VOLCANOES? That's what I want to know.

"We need to investigate all alternative systems for greenhouse potential"

No we don't.

We need to stop sending diesel trucks around the city twice a week collecting stuff that shouldn't have been lugged home in the first place.

We need to stop collecting leaves.

And grass clippings.

"290 times more potent than carbon dioxide and 20 times more potent than methane"

I've heard better lines on sitcoms, back when I used to have the TV plugged in.

More Potent? That is, more powerful. But power FOR WHAT?

Get serious. If worms in vermicomposters are THAT good at producing methane, we should trap that CH4 and use it to heat the vermicomposter over winter time.

Maybe even patent it as a perpetual (bowel) motion machine.

Next week: Fungus gnats and their potential for disrupting air traffic at Pearson International Airport.

"They didn't use to swarm like they do now before I installed a second vermicomposter on my small balcony", says an expert in Etobicoke, directly under the flight path. "Fungus Gnats, I mean", he added once the noise of the passing plane had died away.

I can stand uninformed ignorance, just barely.

But I just can’t stand bad logic.

Good stuff I like, and you can read it here: http://www.cathyscomposters.com/

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