Drop-Leaf Table

Saturday, February 09, 2008

And it's Ho! Let’s make a drop-leaf table!

It’s so easy.

Start by catching the cat and plastering over the hole in the bathroom wall made when the plumbers installed new cold-water pipes in this part of the building.

With the cat safely tucked away, lay out the nineteen feet of curtain track and count the brackets, rollers etc, there being no cat interrupting the proceedings.

In order to gain access to the stretch of wall along the window, you will have to empty the ten bookcases along the inside wall and move them away from the end wall ...

… storing the books between two bookcases used as bookends.

You may need to tie an old piece of flex to stop one or both bookcases parallelgramming outwards.

You should have thought of that first.

Assemble the brackets, rollers, book and mug of coffee.

This part of the job can take the longest time depending on the book, the volume of coffee left in the jug, and how you feel after a bad night’s sleep.

Assemble your hoard of plastic plugs which you have been saving against the day when you can safely spread them out without them being attacked as a horde of gaily-coloured cockroaches.

Spread the tools you require along a window ledge.

These tools will travel with you until you drop one of them, at which time you will dislodge the others as you climb down from the table you are using as a step-ladder.

You will need a sharp masonry bit in your trusty electric drill.

Failing that, make do with a masonry bit from your drill-bit collection.

Note that in computer parlance a masonry bit is either “in” or “out”.

If you are listening to the “Ill met by goonlight” Goon Show, you will hear them landing on the beach at Crete. “This beach is hard”. “Then it must be concrete!”.

Moving right along …..

Here is a view of much of the curtain track in place. The rubber bands used as temporary supports have been removed.

Stand on the table and drill directly upwards, exerting maximum strength as this is the last hole of the job, and the coffee pot calls.

The edge of the table on which you are standing will fracture, depositing you and all you are holding (in your hands, mouth, under your armpit etc.) onto the electric wall heater.

Let the cat out of the wall and let the cat let himself out of the window.

Once the cat is sitting on a carpet of snow …

… close the window and settle down to a peaceful mug of coffee and another good book.

Will the cat survive outside in the cold, cold snow?

Stay tuned for next weekend’s project: “It’s curtains for the cat!”

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